failure

the one and only thing

i could do

and i wasn't able to do it.

kill me,

kill me now.

i thought the feeling of regret guilt and depression would go away once i hung out with kevin, frank, daryll, and justin. it did-for a short while. But while walking back to the dorm with daryll. I couldn't help but look at the time and think that... she's off. and i didn't get to see her go. i didn't see her before today. and i won't see her for a very very long time. and i just.. let her go. just like that. i didn't even try to break the rules just this once. i'm a failure.

fuck.

it keeps hitting me in the gut. that i didn't even. SHIT. FUCK. i want to scream. FUCK. this pain is so... i don't want this feeling to go. i want this feeling to stay. to remind me on how stupid i am. to constantly remind myself that i am the worst person out there.

i miss you so much nicole and i didn't even try. fuck life.