Insecurities D:

It all started this morning when I started trying on the clothes people gave me and I realized how chubby I got over the first few months of the second semester. I tried to ignore it but it did bother me a bit. So when I tried on the clothes and saw how "seen" my fats were I started hating myself. I was so close to tears (oo na, iyakin na ako) cos all my flaws just came rushing through my mind. EVERY SINGLE ONE. Like how I'm not smart, how I'm fat fat fat fat, how my attitude is the worst, how I suck as singing, how I suck at basically everything I do, how I can't do shit, how everyone is better than me in EVERYTHING.

I tried to let go by bumming for the whole day but I wanted to do something productive (a big mistake on my part) So I decide to do a photoshoot with the clothes given to me. MY FATS COULD NOT STOP SHOWING ITSELF. GAD. AND I COULDN'T GET ANYTHING TO COOPERATE. I KEPT SLIPPING. ASDFGHJKL

And what's worse is that I kept having my sister drilling me with insults so my insecurities tripled and it just kept getting worse and worse. Until I gave up completely. Just kill me. Just go ahead and get a gun and just SHOOT every fiber of my flawed self.

IM A FAT KID. AND I'LL DIE ALONE. AS A FAT KID. FATTISHLY. WHY AM I TRYING TO BE FUNNY.

everything is irritating me. GAHH Im not in the mood for anything. Why can't I be replaced with someone prettier, thinner, smarter, and just more talented than I'll ever ever ever be.