Renewal

Because of my previous post which was like... 2 minutes ago,(I really REALLY don't want to study for math -,-") I decided to get things off my chest. Early June, our Literature teacher asked us why we are practical in the face of love. And it actually got me thinking. It changed my view on love and honestly I wish I can change it back.

Before, I used to think of love as this wonderful thing that would, despite all the challenges, be easy. And because of that, it was easy. Loving someone especially my first love was very easy. Because it was a selfless act that didn't just include my feelings and my opinions. but both our thoughts and emotions. Because I truly believed that he was the one. but now, after realizing how many times I screwed all my relationships up, I feel like it really isn't easy. even without the challenges. Even if I'm surrounded by people in love, I can't get myself to think that it is existent. Why is that.

Now, theres someone who really likes me. And honestly, I do too. He's really sweet and funny AND HE PLAYS THE PIANO! But I don't know how my heart can handle this feeling again. I just got out of a relationship and I'm jumping into a new one. It's like giving my heart suicide.

but i know that im just scared. like I always am even if I don't want to say it out loud or show it. i used to believe in love. and right now I guess. If he likes me alot, he'll renew my faith in love. He'll make me believe that there is such a thing. That I'm not always going to screw things up.

off to math.

"Where are you going?" he asked her seeing that she started to drift off to another pedestrian lane.

She turned around and smiled, "Lets go this way."