hi, this is sonya. She dances around in over sized t shirts and boxers. she has an addiction to Mike Chang. I've been thinking alot lately about love. I don't know, really. I have this tiny crush on someone here in the dorm and I'm not sure if he likes me but if he does then yay for me. I guess. It was just recently when I realized how much I've forgotten how it felt to be so in love with someone. How it felt to not be pressured. by this boy. or by the people around us.
I realized that after my first love. I pretty much let go of the whole fact that true love existed and that it was all merely peer pressure that got relationships going. With my first love, things were innocent. We waited till we were both in agreement that we could possibly be in a relationship. He didn't pressure me and I didn't feel the need to get together with him just because they were telling me to.
Then with Joseph, to be honest I didn't really say yes but everyone just insisted and he just felt so happy so I just played along. We got together after how many months. And trust me, the months in between weren't even that special. We never got to know each other. I don't even know his favorite color. It didn't help either of us. I wasn't happy. I was pretty much single because there wasn't much of anything. anything.
Then Jeremiah happened. And it was all just the same. But instead of everyone pressuring me, it was him. He just wanted us to get together. One bat of the eyelashes and I fell deep into his spell. I came around doing whatever. In the end, we always ran out of things to say and I became that kind of girl. the one who is always demanding for attention. simply because he never gave me any.
What happened to good old fashion courtship? Call me whatever but I'd rather have that. I'd rather wait for a long time than get into a relationship in a snap of a finger. I'd rather wait than always put the pieces back together in the end just because something went wrong.
That's why I'm so scared with this guy, viewers. I'm amazed he's not even making a move already. Just cos I'm so used to it. And so used to playing along. So used to pretending I felt the same way and that it didn't matter if we sped things up.
I'm scared, viewers, because I don't want him to be like everyone. I don't want to be treated like they can just hook up with me for a day and just wait till the relationship dies out. I'm pretty sure every girl's heart is worth more than that. Especially mine.